And, distinctly strangely, after only three days, feeling much better...
even, perhaps, better than most of the past seven months, since the first change in medications.
(Honestly a bit bewildered by this... no sense of weakness at any point...)
Yes of course, it is perhaps merely shifting biochemistry and mood... probably helped by cutting one of the toxic evening pills (only one out of about ten, but who knows perhaps that was good enough for the moment). In any case, my energy didn't give that sickening drop to zero, or lower – no shaking –
so, an ultrasound and re-examination on Thursday, to make sure anaemia and other problems aren't getting worse.
But as for today, it was a beautifully sunny day; rested a bit in the middle of the day but didn't need to sleep – and when I did go into town, a sunny, almost warm day; sitting in a café with Makis and Nick (both wearing sunglasses!), telling jokes and stories; then wandering through town.
Sunshine. People. Laughter. An easy conversation in French with the owner of the café, sunny roof tables at a trendy pub, one of those Scandinavian stores with witty, brightly coloured kitchenwares and drawing supplies...
Simple: but a truly relaxed sense of time, an anxiety-free casual joy in walking along with Makis – a reminder of the everydayness of enjoying the fragments of life.
I'm actually not utterly incompetent at enjoying myself: I just have to be reconnected, reawakened from time to time.
Sunshine, people, a pleasant street life, someone to chat with: the things I've been remembering from the past, or projecting onto a future in a different city – a future that sometimes seems fearfully distant –
Haven't I said, occasionally, to students and to patients – just walk out the door, it's not locked?...
Comments