I am slightly less disoriented/anxious than I have been for three weeks. Slightly, I say; at least enough to have some sense of distance from it all; and a bigger sense of time, as though I can perhaps imagine different ways that the fear and confusion of the past days can fit into larger parts of my life. And perhaps can step out of them.
Finished the Dresher article. It's well 'made', and quite dramatic, if I say so myself – and I do – though often, as is admittedly true with much of my writing over the past decade, it's not as technically deep as it should be. But hey it reads well.
Pushing myself into writing the Schnebel presentation for next week, an 80th birthday symposium in Berlin. And listening to his music makes me conscious of, oh, what shall I call it? – aspects of strong-minded creativity, of cultural work, of meaningful communication. Aspects I identified with when I was younger, but gradually lost... well, really, lost the belief that I, myself, could actually engage them. Because I'm flaky, a bit lazy, too easily depressed, too scattered. Too... sleepy. A cultural/intellectual also-ran.
But even listening to much of the work he has done reminds me of the admirable possibility of truly engaging with people and thought and memory... and I find that deeply impressive. Schnebel leaves me in awe of someone who could make such a strong intellectual commitment to the world and all its symbols and meanings – and who could help maintain such frequent, deep, changing contact with a huge range of things that matter.
As though he never has the urge to just give up and coast... someone who is always, energetically, awake to things that are important: and not merely through some dogmatic theoretical program – he's not one of those who picks one idea and hammers away at it forever, creating safe territory to stand on so that he can sell himself as yet another product. He really wants to know what is next, for him, for us, for the universe – what there is for us to do....
In my Berlin speech, I'm trying to talk about wisdom. It's hard, especially because there are no modern theoretical/philosophical/psychological contexts where the word or idea of wisdom is really a comfortable or dependable one.
But I owe it to him....
Comments