A disturbing dream of my sister in pain, suffering with the chemo, sleeping, getting worse – at some strangely chaotic, crowded conference; emphasizing the insensitivity of not knowing what she's going through, of not helping.
***
The family seemed calm and even cheerful at yesterday's Christmas phone call; probably the ones to worry about are her husband, after everyone goes home (what shape will his life be now, with her gone? – and him only in his mid-fifties); and my mother, who received so much extra care through my eldest sister, and of course now my younger sister and brother are finding out how much work that can entail.
Well, I guess they have their work cut out. I wonder what I can do to help – or what I could have done to help before....
As you can see from my last couple of posts, I'm actually feeling very heart-whole, calm, myself (except for that dream, of course). Midwinter, after the holidays, and after a death: but with nothing really broken.
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