Sorry I haven't written...
Continuing irritable, depressed, at a bit of a loss; plus intermittent unexpected headaches, and a chaotic gastrointestinal tension that seems, capriciously, to react badly to whatever I eat.
Summer is now technically over, we're on the verge of masses of work for oncoming students; three days ago a student, after apologizing for bothering me, proceeded to run through his own manic concerns, leaving me exhausted and actually angry at him.
Which somehow transformed into real rage in my dreams, remembered anger, the rage of the youngest of the family, who can't fight back....
On the other hand: tomorrow is my first appointment for cognitive behavior therapy for depression. Probably a good thing, and not a minute too soon: although I'm experiencing all kinds of resistance – not wanting to feel the way I do and yet not wanting any change, any disturbance in the hypnotic round of television and sleep and oblique misery.
Dysfunctional, I know. Aren't you grateful that I haven't been writing about it?...
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