On the other hand...
The past few posts have been very much about reflecting broadly on my life – as I frequently do anyway (sorry if that gets boring, but there you are). It all makes sense in a context of turning fifty – yet another real turn in my life, from the chaotic turn downward when I was seventeen, onward to the upward moves, defeats, successes, being stymied, finding ways forward. This turn, of course, which has no real events to mark it (knock wood – I suppose I could still have a heart attack, or be evicted, or some such?), is a consolidation, a re-viewing of the fifty years. But, so far, they have mostly been negative, mostly self critical.
After all that, today's class was interesting. Three of the young guys did presentations (at the last class, it was mostly the young women talking about gender and queer theory, so this was the guys' time to respond). Two of them had to endure massive interruptions, interventions, and reworkings from me, all in the name of clear communication – it was all very invasive, very heavy-handed.
It was also, I think, very successful, and the guys themselves were sort of grateful, in a slightly overwhelmed way. It was literally an attempt to transform their means of communication to something that engaged their audiences more, and represented more fairly what they had in their heads.
It's one of my strengths: a dangerous strength, of course – not everyone likes strong interventions (indeed, the fact that I have trouble holding myself back when someone seems to need such an intervention is my greatest social failing, and what has created the most dysfunctional relationships in my professional life). But when it works, when it empowers people and forces them into rapid and exciting progress towards something that, ultimately, they end up wanting, it is a fine thing.
Something to be proud of....
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