[N.B. not, in this case, 'gray' - I'm not generally enamored (enamoured?) of British spellings; 'analyse' seems rather nice, sort of aesthetic, but 'colour' is merely affected (English isn't French, however many Norman aristocrats would have wanted it that way) and 'programme', which comes up daily at work, is just ridiculous. But I'll admit that 'grey' is more properly, well, grey, then 'gray' is. More of a soft, dove grey, as opposed to some rough piece of construction paper?...]
So the weather is grey, again, and I am a bit too. The worst thing about the first three years here (as well as the last years in San Francisco, when so much seemed to be going wrong) was that I seemed permanently stuck in greyness, unhappy, worried, overwhelmed by things to do, unable to move far out of it all. That's been somewhat less true this year, but I can still fall into All That without much difficulty – the weather pushes me towards it, and the minor ups and downs of work and daily life still seem to involve more downs than ups. (I should live someplace with good weather – and probably by a beach. And obviously, way too obviously, and whether or not I feel up to the commitment, not alone.)
By the end of last weekend, it felt as though too many little things were demanding attention; I finally decided, rather helplessly and with some uncertainty, to cancel the coming trip to London, for Europride (maybe I'll go the following week, which sidesteps the festival – which is either stupid or clever of me, I can't decide which). Trying to focus on the many little administrative things still floating around, like midges – they all seem so exasperating after two weeks straight of meetings (now that all of the students have left, how can there still be so much to do for them?). And of course when a large pile of work gets shifted, behind it are always the various things undone: big projects, writing....
Hmm, story of my life. Not a terribly exciting one, I know, but an annoyingly accurate one.
Perhaps the solution is to drag myself into town, get a haircut, do some shopping, ignore all the boring stuff until tomorrow... that would probably work.
Comments